Eulogy: A Life As I Knew It

There is no exaggeration in accepting that I have been anticipating this very moment for quite sometime now. Writing an eulogy is no easy task, let alone for someone who has been a role model for about three decades. A mentor, whose eighty-seven years of life when I read and understand now provides leadership lessons.

I have known him for thirty odd years. He was known only for his honesty. An honest civil servant in a country that is notorious for bribery and corruption. Yes, undoubtedly, he lived a nightmare. An essential leadership attitude. Stick to your principles come what may.

He hailed from a poor farming family. The third among five children, he was put up for adoption by his father - a decision his father would change later because of his son's determination not to leave. Whilst all four siblings are either priests or home-makers with minimal education, he went on to become a government officer - a designation his father felt more proud of than himself. Chasing the dream alone when all odds are against you is not enough. Make the odds proud of you.

Both his parents lived with him till their last breath. Rather he wanted them to be looked after by him and his family. A morality that is fast diminishing - if not long forgotten - in today's stereotypical world. Integrity and compassion make the world whole. During the initial stage, he wanted his parents not to give up on him by putting him up for adoption and in their final stage, he did not give up on them. Be the change you want to see.

As a young boy, he used to sit outside one of his well-to-do friends' house. The lady of the house would call her own son inside for a snack while keeping him wait outside. A hungry boy awaited his turn for a snack everyday only to realise that his turn would never come. An incident that he amusingly narrated on several occasions. He never let the disappointments of one day dictate the other. It is not what happened but how you took it matters.

He was a voracious reader. He taught me how to read newspaper, how to write letters, how to deposit and withdraw money, and even how to argue in the court of law. His day would invariably start with reading 'The Hindu', a leading English daily that I still subscribe to. When I struggled with new words, he brought a dictionary along. In later stages, he would ask me to explain the meanings of words that are derived from modern English. Someone who taught me also wanted to learn from me. Never be hesitant to learn. The first lesson a teacher should know is how to learn.

He never had enough for himself. Never wanted anything that was beyond his reach. He owned a television set only after his retirement, bought from his benefits. Only a couple of years ago he started using a mobile phone. He was curious about technological advancements. He had an acute sense of comprehending any language film without subtitles. My love for animals was a result of watching National Geographic and Animal Planet with him. Contentment and curiosity are the two equal-yet-opposing forces that keep us in balance.

Even after retirement, he had an active professional life for about fifteen years until he had his first cardiac arrest. He was a life insurance agent. He persuaded many to insure their lives without having any thoughts about securing one for his own. His only thoughts were to marry off his unmarried children at that time: five daughters and a son - an Herculean task he accomplished in a span of ten years. During this period, he lost one of his eyes to a medical malpractice. He started seeing the world with a different perspective. This time with only one eye. Perseverance is the light that glows brighter day-by-day. Where there is a will, there is a way.

He was a fighter all through his life. When he was hospitalised for the last time, he fought bravely for fourteen days providing doctors with hope. He neither spoke nor ate. Just fought and only fought to be in this world again. Wanting one more chance to accomplish whatever was left behind. Never give up.

In the first two days of hospitalisation, I visited his bed in the Intensive Care Unit when he opened his eye to look at me for the last time. The intensity only represented the spirit and struggles of eighty-seven years of his life. A look that I could never forget. An eye that always watches me over. That gives me strength to fight, to stick to principles, and to accomplish. Always inspire.

On 27 April 2013, I walked to his bed again only to find him barely breathing through a ventilator, and absolutely zero motion in his eye. I called him several times and asked him to fight as usual consoling myself that he was listening. Ten minutes later, at 3:05 PM, he ceased to fight. For the first time, his will power was broken. He was no more. I kissed him goodbye for the last time only to realise that I never kissed him before.

It is not the death I am worried about but the loss. I lost a friend, a mentor, a teacher, and above-all a grandfather who is responsible for what I am today. Although appropriate, never did he claim credit for that. He was always a spectator of my growth detaching himself from what I am. A perfect gentleman.

I struggled a lot to address him in past tense. If there is anywhere in this eulogy that I addressed him in present tense, it may not be a typographical error. It is only my wish that he is still with me.

 

कर्मणि एवाधिकरस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन ।

मा फलहेतुः भूः मा ते संगः अस्तु अकर्मणि ।।

Seek to perform your duty; but lay no claim to its fruits. Be not the producer of fruits of karma; neither shall you lean towards inaction.

-Bhagavad Gita